Taco night & chasing

Going back to the BSM tonight was a bit of a wild whisker-twister. It felt like the first day of high school - seeing all your friends.. and acquaintances: "Heyyy... you?"

I ended up just once again being blown away by meeting "old" friends. I'm amazed by how tragic I find unchanging... well, people. I met some people who seemed like they were growing in grace and understanding and MAN! such an encouragement. But then there's those people that just... I didn't get that impression. I don't mean to be judgmental, but, after visiting Fort Worth, I've been deeply convicted of holding on to the past.

Perhaps it's not the tragedy I make it out to be. Change is good, but there are some sweet things that are worth holding onto. Good friends, good habits and virtues... keep those, huh? I never want to look at things without being dazed into wonderment and worship.
I read some posts from last year, but check out this old post I wrote. I was so silly those days, but at least my cup was empty, and I desired the Lord so, so, much! I think I can get obsessed with trying to figure out how to "do" life and I just forget... dang.... I have to trust the Holy Spirit to guide and protect my heart and to teach me virtue through my pursuit of wisdom - and to rely fully on Jesus for grace....

It's such a hard line to walk. I don't want to be lazy and just say that it's the Holy Spirit's job to make me feel like not sinning. I don't want to take the knowledge that my righteousness is like filthy rags and turn it into an excuse to be an arrogant fool. I want to chase after Jesus - I want to chase after wisdom...

Proverbs tells us we should strive for wisdom, but I've been hearing so much about how knowledge is meaningless and how virtuous was the uneducated prostitute that wiped Jesus's feet with her hair. "We don't need wisdom to love Jesus" is the message I hear. But we still need wisdom, don't we? We don't want to be fools who bury their coins in the sand!

So that is the line I try to walk. Loving Jesus. Loving others by trying to grow in wisdom and understanding so I can be better equipped to minister - and loving myself, because wisdom is such a treasure.