"revolutionized by love"

Tonight me and some other BSM kids gathered at Lindsey's house to prepare for a thing called "Cardboard Testimonies."
If you've been to super summer, or a Christian youth camp, you've probably heard about them. In case you haven't, the basic idea is that you write on one side a statement reflecting your life before Christ and the other side reflects how your life has changed.

It was kind of hard for me to decide what to put on the first side. Many of the statements coming to mind were "sad" and "angry" but most of all "lost"
The sad part is, I had the theology in my heart, but I was distant from God. There was no firm relationship.
After Christ really became a part of my life, everything changed! And things are changing now, I feel like it's a whole new stage of my Christian life.

But it was hard to share the junk that was in my life before... because I was worried about how I would be seen afterwards. I guess that's a pretty silly thing. But I guess, as much of my heart as I wear on my sleeve...
So I ended up putting "self-destructive" because that covered it all, how I tore myself down inside.

On the other side, I wrote that my life was "revolutionized by love"
And I use and think about that word so much. I try and keep it a priority in my life. As a verb, I mean. Helping and caring for people.

I think that was my 180 degree turn. From tearing myself down to building other people up. That was what I originally wanted to put. "building up His family/Kingdom" something like that.

I've rediscovered Rich Mullins...again. I keep re-finding him and falling in love with his music over and over. Shuffle is a wonderful thing.

The people at the BSM are so filled with love and compassion. I am so blessed to have fellowship with them.

Design Critique

Well I had my first real design critique. My designs weren't super but I worked hard on them, and I got one to look how I wanted it to. The other one.... ended up a little different, but it was ok.
I was happy with both. Not thrilled.

I was a little overwhelmed when I walked in because all the other pieces were so good. So I felt a bit scared presenting mine.

But HOORAY! Everyone said nice things. There's this one guy Tyler who seems to know everything there is about art theory and gestalt, and he said something favorable. So that really made my day. I wish I could perform at everyone else's level, because they had more complicated designs with stronger visuals but I'm just getting started. I will catch up >:)

For someone with no "design" experience I suppose it could have gone worse.

I scheduled an appointment with the career counselor today. I didn't get to talk to her, but I AM being proactive about the whole thing.

I also picked up a ticket for the honors picnic on thursday. And got the email fixed, so hopefully I won't be relying on honors kid gossip to know about events like this....

On the weekend eating healthier is harder. Not only do I find myself off campus a lot, but even when I'm on campus, Maple is closed, and that really saddens me. Maple is so cozy and small and wonderful, and Kerr is... ok, but intimidating. I have no idea why. Longer walk? More people? Who knows.

Boy if I ever find the time/energy I will definitely hit the REC center. But between projects, bsm stuff, and everything, I find that I'm expending a lot of time and energy, not a lot left over.
BUT! I am getting so much out of it. Every day I feel like I've learned a month's worth of lessons. I try to suck the juice out of every moment.

I saw a sign inviting people to a "milk and cookies" party, and the header read "LAST CHANCE CHILDHOOD" on it. It made me sad because I only have a few days left until I turn eighteen.........

O Brother Where Art Thou?

This morning C3 had a baptism service. It wasn't your typical service, but then again, nothing about C3 is ordinary! (I mean that in the best of ways) =)

We went in the middle of the square and they had a horse watering trough set up, and they did a really public profession of their faith. I love that. It was really awesome to hear their stories and get dunked right out in the open for passerby to see!

Hearing about their changed lives, it made me think about my own spiritual life. I've been sharing my story, but I started thinking about my baptism and my entire walk.

I am grateful that when I was baptized I understood the reasoning and that I grasped the concept of grace and forgiveness and that I was a new creation.
I am also grateful that I've been raised in a Christian home and was saved VERY early on.

But when I hear stories of the people who were living totally lost and then come back completely on fire for Christ, they really ACT like a new creation.

I've said this so much but I finally feel like I have a spiritual heartbeat, a hunger and thirst for the word, a real relationship, more than just being spoon-fed. So I finally feel like a new creation, and I feel like I'm living more radically, like how I would if I had taken a 180 turn.
Obviously there's more I could do. I'm still learning how to turn my life over. But I'm so excited to grow.
I'm sorry if this is repetitive. But I want the world to know, and especially my family, because this is burning at the core of my heart.

Anyway.

I got a message from my dad - and got to hear a "recap" of my little brother's baseball game. He made a really great catch! I'm very proud of him and I wish I could have been there to see it.

I wish I could be more like Daniel. He's the best little brother anyone could ask for. Whenever anyone is hurting, he is there to offer a comforting pat on the back or a hug. When he says words of encouragement, whatever he says, it's always just what they needed to hear.

We sang a song at the baptism, the one from O Brother Where art Thou? "Oh, brothers, let's go down, let's go down.."
I think we should all try to be more like Daniel - spiritual brothers, always building each other up.

Miss you Dan-Dan!

Mission: Denton

Ok, so I didn't go to the overnight part of Mission Denton because I really wanted to focus on my design project, which I'm taking a break from (I've come a long way so it's deserved)
I DID however put in a few service hours this morning, which was good.

This morning I went with Krystal and Carli to do facepainting at Fouts Stadium =)
I've never facepainted before but it was very fun to see the kids' faces when I got done - both in expression and completion!
(Maybe I should've taken pictures of them for my portfolio! Haha.)
[Note: I took pictures with a young couple that were very enthusiastic and those can be found on facebook in my photos under "UNT happenings"]

I also helped Krystal, Carli, and Whitney and some other girls pick up trash from along the shoreline of the lake. It was super gross but a wonderful exercise in humility and obedience. =)

I felt like a kid again today for a number of reasons.
1) I was very excited when the balloon guy let me hold the giant bouquet of balloons... maybe that made me happier than it should, but I did feel young again, especially when he let me pick out two colors of balloons to take home!
2) I got to play on the playground at Eureka Park! It was fun and I got to swing and someone pushed me on the tire swing and spun me around!!! =))))

Please pray for me as I continue to pursue knowledge, understanding, and growth in Spirit!

Clay and Watermelons

I heard a long time ago that children are like soft wet clay, and that as we grow older we harden and gradually become less willing to change.
I was a kid then, but it made me really afraid of changing and my heart becoming hard. One great fear I had was of becoming a "rebellious teenager."

I'm not so much afraid of growth and change anymore. I do still have a fear of growing calloused. And the pressure to shape myself now while I'm still impressionable is still there.

But I realized today that I was mistaken about college. I thought I was done being molded and that college was for "sculpting" or chipping away at what you'd brought to the table.
I'm still a kid. Even legally, I'm still just 17.
And you know what? I think that's true for everyone... I don't think you're ever too old to change. Because God is always molding and shaping us; if He was finished then He'd take us up to Heaven in a chariot of fire.

Now for watermelons.

This is a really wonderful piece by Jon Foreman! It's definitely worth reading.
"The Economy of the Garden"

First Critique / Empty Cup

We had a critique in Drawing I today! It was fun until I had to get my whole project together and turn it in. I'm a bit clumsy with big sheets of paper.
But the comments on my pieces were favorable! That brought a big smile to my face!

And you know what? Even the criticism was nice to hear! For some reason I don't mind if people don't like my artwork. When they do, that's nice, but either way it's just fun to see what people think.

I'm trying to memorize the Beatitudes, and I'm trying to go through them and focus on and apply them to my life one at a time. The first is "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." I wasn't exactly sure what that meant.

So I looked it up and it's referring to humility. The explanation actually included the phrase "empty cup" which is what I've been trying to think of myself as since day 1.
I've learned that sometimes being humble isn't simply not bragging or being obnoxious. Pride exists in different ways. Vanity, obsessing too much over how I look. And while reputation is a good thing to keep clean, and certainly you need to protect your witness, we shouldn't be afraid to be seen with certain people, because "everyone needs compassion, a love that's never failing." =)

Today I failed in this area, and ironically it's the one that I've been studying and prayed for about it. I try to justify it, "I'm a freshman, and I don't want people to think badly of me" but really, it's a pride thing. I did feel pretty awful because I went against the Holy Spirit pressing me to move, and I didn't. So I'm praying for God to soften my heart and forgive me.
(Too much self-disclosure, but I felt I had to add that, I can't share this doctrine without feeling hypocritical.)

But aside from that things are going really well. My small group is doing an outreach project with goodie bags. It's groovy =)

Show love to everyone you meet!

Celebrate Good Times

It's been too long since I really wrote about how much fun I'm having. Sure it's stressful with all the projects but it's balanced out with all the life and love and fountains of energy just bursting from every experience.

Today I was reconciled with that Hallelujah song. I played it for Maggie and Megan and they sang harmony to it and we all sang and it was so nice :) I've never had someone sing a harmony to one of my songs before...

I remember thinking at one point that I knew faith and I grasped Christianity, that was years ago. I came here with the understanding that I didn't understand.
But it's still kind of crazy to see just how much I have to learn. It's strange for me to see that I have far to go and not be discouraged but rather excited!

Having wonderful Christian fellowship is such a blessing, and I can't stress enough how happy I am to meet girls that are so passionate about the Lord and learn from them.

But as much as I want to celebrate these good times, I can't put it better than Phil Collins in the lyrics to his song. "On My Way" seems to fit my life perfectly right now. Give it a listen or just read =)

ON MY WAY

Tell everybody i'm on my way
New friends and new places to see
With blue skies ahead, yes i'm on my way
And theres no where else i'd rather be

Tell everybody i'm on my way
And i'm loving every step i take
With the sun beating down, yes i'm on my way
And i can't keep this smile off my face

Cause theres nothing like, seeing each other again
No matter what the distance between
And the stories we tell, will make you smile
Or really lifts my heart

So tell'em i'm on my way
New friends and new places to see
And to sleep under the stars and could ask for more
With the moon keeping watch over me

Not the snow nor the rain, can change my mind
The sun will come out, wait and see
And the feeling of the wind
In your face can lift your heart

Oh... theres no where i'd rather be
Cause i'm on my way now
Well and true
I'm my way there
I'm on my way now(x3)

Tell everybody i'm on my way
I just can't wait to be there
With blue skies ahead, yes I'm on my way
And nothing but good times to share

So tell everybody I'm on my way
And I just can't wait to be home
With the sun beating down yes I'm on my way
And nothing but good times to show

I'm on my way
Yes, I'm on my way

Communion

So I went to communion with Maggie and friends and it was crazy. The Spirit is just so evidently present there.

People were dancing, praying, worshipping, and loving each other.

It wasn't just C3 church people - people from different denominations were coming and putting aside their doctrinal disagreements and choosing to focus on loving Jesus together.

We took the bread and wine and prayed over people who were in need of prayer.

I didn't hear it this time, but they were talking about how the last time they met that people had been speaking in tongues.

I realize this is controversial and that some people think it's 1. not a real gift or 2. it doesn't happen anymore... but it happened, and I was just in awe of how these people just let the Holy Spirit use them.

I'm just so blessed to be surrounded by people who are so mature in faith and spirit. I am so glad I'm here at UNT..
God is giving me people to pour into me, and people that I can pour into. Building up His Kingdom.

Praise God!

Visit #2 and the surprise audience

I went to the Christ Community Church again =) I thought I would "shop around" but I think I like this church too much.... haha
We went to this Thai place after church. It was very inexpensive but delicious! The people at C3 are all so sweet and it was good to have fellowship with them. =)

I sing so much these days. On the street, with friends in the car, in the practice room... I think I need to take a "vocal rest" break.
But I sing so much because I have so much happiness inside! =D

I feel really embarassed because I didn't realize that when I was playing in the practice room, people could hear me. I was playing some original songs and some Justin Bieber too, both things I probably wouldn't choose to perform.

But when I walked out everyone started complimenting me! D= It was nice to hear them say those nice things, but it was very mortifying! My original songs are very special and secret, like diary entries! Ohhhhhhhh dearrr

Saturday Nights are Eventful

So I went to my first UNT football game.

It was soooo much fun. I really don't like football. At all. But wherever you are, if it's with wonderful people, happiness will surround you. =)

Then we went to Chili's. The "afterparty" haha

Then we went to Tyler's (and Dave and Justin's) house and played a lot of songs!



I just LOVE making music with other people! funnest thing I've done all week =)

Gosh I love college!!! but you knew that!