A Sweet Resting Place

Is there a way to live constantly in the presence of God? is there such a person? Me and my friends all seem to forget and have to turn back to God, even though we always say we love Him so much.

I've been unemotional and distant. I've been rebellious. After a hard day of sincere prayer about things, I feel like I've received an answer. And the answer is, as it is always, "I love you, Rachel."

It's the end of a long, hard Tuesday, and I'm in tears, but not from stress. I'm the happiest kid in the wide world. I feel so loved. I feel very cherished. The people I love, love me back. The God whose approval I depend on, who I have been trying to please my whole life, has approved of me because of my Beloved High Priest.

Mercy. I sometimes have this vague idea of a figure who "died on a cross for my sin" and it ceases to mean anything, until I remember His character. It is only when I really am begging and pleading for Him to show me mercy that I see His greatest achievement and the most beautiful, supernatural quality - Mercy. It's not to spare me from suffering, but to look upon me and approve me.

Mercy. That I could incline my heart to petition without feeling ashamed or full of sin.

Perhaps it is an old song, but the Gospel really revolves around it. It is the anthem, the chorus of the march of life. The utter dependence of humanity on the grace of God.

I'm always amazed at how I can be sitting, doing nothing but praying, and the Spirit Himself comes to me and teaches me the position of humility, the only true way to the court of my Father.

We shall sing on that beautiful shore
The melodious songs of the blessed;
And our spirits shall sorrow no more,
Not a sigh for the blessing of rest.

- "In the Sweet by and by"

Jerks

People are strange. And not everyone is kind.

My TA frustrated me today by writing mean and unhelpful comments like "you can't write" and "read a newspaper" on my article draft. They were not constructive, especially considering the professor had told me earlier that I had a particular talent.
Who knows why she wrote that? She could have been having a terrible day, the possibilities are endless. (thank goodness we didn't get graded on our drafts!)

You know something? I didn't feel sad. Not even for one minute. I just felt sorry for my TA, because you know, I really believe in what I'm writing, and I'm only trying to be used for the glory of God. I'm doing the best that I can. In every area.

That being said, there are wicked people. Proverbs describes the "righteous man" and the "wicked." Very different.

I can be wicked, too. I can be a real jerk. Sometimes I surprise myself with how bad my motives are upon examination.

Speaking of examination, I found this particularly helpful. I tend toward self-righteousness and when I'm not overanalyzing, I'm underanalyzing.

Unrelated... I was reading Tozer's Pursuit of God, and I came across this passage, and it brought me to tears.

"When God spoke out of heaven to our Lord, self-centered men who heard it explained it by
natural causes: they said, “It thundered.” This habit of explaining the Voice by appeals to natural law is at the very root of modern science. In the living breathing cosmos there is a mysterious Something, too wonderful, too awful for any mind to understand.
The believing man does not claim to understand.
He falls to his knees and whispers, 'God.'" - Tozer, Pursuit of God

I still don't know why.

The redemption of youth

I am nineteen.
Previously, I was thirteen.

There have been notable alterations.

I don't think it's uncommon to look back and have a hard time finding good things about the person you used to be. You mostly look back and cringe. "I was so dumb."

But the thing about youth, and teenagehood, is the insane amount of passion and unshakeable faith you have in things. When you love things, you really love and hold on to them. I was able to give all of my love very easily to one thing at a time. I've said this before: we demonize and we idolize.

I haven't felt this youthful in a long time.

Today was magical. I find myself thinking that a lot as I drift off to sleep. My daydreams have turned into just remembering the wonderful things that happened that day and the sweet things to come.

Making things.

Okay!!

I really like making things.
I made this, too. from scratch. no stolen images. (but the idea is taken from a tutorial.)


I am going crazy. it's so much fun. but I gotta do my other homework, too.